Navigating Marriage with Purpose, Love, and Grace
Being a wife isn’t always easy. Let’s be real: some days, you’re running on fumes, trying to balance work, family, self-care, and the never-ending to-do list, all while keeping the love alive in your marriage. But despite the challenges, God’s design for marriage is clear, and when we follow His plan, we can truly thrive as wives—helping our husbands, nurturing our homes, and building a marriage that reflects His love.
God’s Original Plan: A Helper and Companion
The Bible paints a beautiful picture of marriage in Genesis 2:18-22, where God creates the woman to be a “helper” to the man. This is not about inferiority but about partnership. In God’s eyes, marriage is a union where both spouses work together as a team, each with their own strengths and roles.
God’s intention for the wife is not to merely be a bystander in the marriage, but a helper, a companion, and a support system to her husband. The word “helper” comes from the Hebrew word “ezer”, which refers to someone who is strong and capable—someone who brings value and support. When we embrace this role, we create a marriage that is not only fruitful but also deeply fulfilling.
In Titus 2:4-5, we are reminded that older women should teach the younger women to love their husbands, be self-controlled, and keep their homes. This speaks to the importance of being intentional in our marriages and setting an example of love, respect, and commitment.
The Call to Submit
Now, let’s talk about that word—submit. In today’s world, this can be a bit of a hot button. But when we look at it through the lens of God’s Word, we see that submission is not about being subjugated or controlled, but about mutual respect and honor within the marriage.
In Ephesians 5:22-24, we are called to submit to our husbands as the Church submits to Christ. It’s a divine order that acknowledges the husband as the head of the family, but it also comes with a responsibility for the husband to love his wife sacrificially, just as Christ loved the Church.
And in 1 Peter 3:1-6, we see that a wife’s respectful and gentle spirit can even win her husband over, even if he is not a believer. It’s about creating a harmonious relationship where love, respect, and trust reign.
Submission can be tough when we’re feeling exhausted, overwhelmed, or not led in a loving way. But it’s important to remember that we can obey without submission—but we cannot submit without obeying. This distinction is crucial in building a relationship that works in God’s design.
The “SUBMIT” Way: A Guide to Being a Better Wife
Let’s break it down. The word SUBMIT can actually be an acronym for how we can actively choose to be a better wife in our daily lives. Ready? Here’s how we can live out the role of a wife with intention, grace, and love.
S – Stop doing the things that upset, disappoint, frustrate, or anger your husband.
We all have habits or behaviors that might unintentionally hurt our husbands. Whether it’s nagging, criticizing, or holding grudges, it’s time to take a step back and examine how we can change those things. Love is patient, and it’s often about choosing to let go of the small irritations that build up over time.
U – Understand and work on the areas where you struggle to submit.
Let’s face it, submission isn’t always easy. There may be areas in your marriage where you struggle to submit—whether it’s decision-making, finances, or how to discipline the kids. Take time to understand why this is difficult for you, and work on those areas with intention. God doesn’t expect perfection, but He does call us to work on becoming more Christ-like every day.
B – Become wise and learn to negotiate with your husband.
Marriage is a partnership. If you and your husband don’t always agree on everything, it’s important to learn how to negotiate, compromise, and find solutions that honor both of you. Wise negotiation is about working together and understanding each other’s perspective.
M – Master the art of submission by learning the “gentle and quiet spirit.”
1 Peter 3:3-4 tells us that a gentle and quiet spirit is of great value in God’s sight. This doesn’t mean being passive or silent, but rather, responding with grace, understanding, and calmness—especially in challenging situations. It’s about creating an environment where love and respect flow naturally.
I – Improve your ability to submit by identifying areas your husband expects you to submit in.
Take a moment to reflect on the areas where your husband expects you to take the lead. Here’s a helpful list to guide you:
- Manage your home in a way that he appreciates.
- Handle money wisely and stay within budget.
- Check with your husband before making big decisions.
- Show respect and never criticize him in public.
- Do not undermine his authority with the children.
- Respond to and initiate affection and sex.
- Show interest in the things he enjoys.
- Never choose family over your husband.
- Support his work and pray for his success.
- Don’t hide things from him—be open and honest.
- Dress in a way that pleases him.
- Treat him with his favourite meals from time to time.
- Avoid grumbling or complaining—seek change with encouragement.
- Admire and respect him, especially in public.
T – Trust in the Lord and constantly pray for your husband and your marriage.
You cannot change your husband, but God can! Prayer is one of the most powerful tools we have as wives. Pray for your husband’s spiritual growth, emotional well-being, and success. Pray for the bond between you, and trust that God will work in both of you to bring about positive change.
Serving Your Husband in His Love Language
One more thing to consider: we all have different ways we feel loved and appreciated. The Five Love Languages (words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch) are key in understanding how your husband best receives love. Take the time to find out his primary love language and serve him in that way. And don’t forget—this goes both ways! Take the quiz together to learn each other’s love language, and use this insight to deepen your connection. Love Strive’s Free Online Love Language Test
Make Time for Each Other
Life is busy, and it’s easy to let the days slip by without really connecting. But remember, making time for each other is vital for a healthy marriage. Aim to spend at least 30 minutes a day talking about your day—ask questions, listen to each other, and give feedback. And don’t forget date nights—at least once a month! This intentional time helps you stay connected and engaged.
Also, never underestimate the power of affection. Look into each other’s eyes, kiss passionately, and laugh together. These small acts build intimacy and strengthen your bond.
Need Help Navigating Your Marriage?
If you’re struggling to find your way back to one another, or if you simply don’t know where to begin, Annelize in Perspective can help. With years of experience and a deep understanding of marital dynamics, Annelize has helped countless couples navigate the challenges of marriage and find new perspectives that lead to growth—both personally and as a couple.
Whether through one-on-one coaching or marital counseling, Annelize can guide you in creating the marriage you desire—a marriage built on love, respect, and mutual growth.
Change your marriage today—book a session with Annelize now! Visit www.annelize.co.za to get started.